Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
