I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
