all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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