the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I checked into jail on foursquare
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
