And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize