Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
