wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
