Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
