Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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