well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
