one two three fourrrrnication!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
