I haven't been this sober since birth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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