I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
