So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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