dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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