i think my mom watched the whole time
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wear drunk well.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
