Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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