never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
These tits shall not be calmed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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