If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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