Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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