Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
