I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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