Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
