I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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