I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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