May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
