why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
