I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
