it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml