i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love