Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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