He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
PANTIES FOUND
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
