it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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