if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
