Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
