i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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