someone owes me an orgasm
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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