can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think my moral compass just broke
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
