He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
