Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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