did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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