dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
