I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
