i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
