The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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