apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
