she was so not down for the gang bang
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
