i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
