we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
