there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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