Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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