I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
