Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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