Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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