It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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