i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
