Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.

Fav 6 1122 1874
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(443): View more from Maryland

Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.

Fav 8 3684 1042
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(314): View more from Missouri

10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

Fav 35 7626 980
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(319): View more from Iowa

By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

Fav 14 5638 1445
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

Fav 6 1167 3668
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

Fav 7 4018 1486
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(954): View more from Florida

I'm driving while wearing hulk hands

Fav 9 2105 924
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(612): View more from Minnesota

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

Fav 7 508 949
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(437): View more from

sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life

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