So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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