Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vodka?
Forever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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