So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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