is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
