Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
