Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What a dumb baby whore.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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