Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
