I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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