Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
