So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
