I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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