You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
