I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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