I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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