I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
