Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
