He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
false alarm. still invincible.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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