"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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