bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
