If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
