i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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