I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
